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    1. If being hard on yourself worked,it would have worked by now

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      We often find ourselves being overly critical of our own actions. In fact, we tend to be even harsher on ourselves than we are on others. It’s interesting to think about why this happens. My theory is that we are taught to be compassionate and understanding towards others, but when it comes to extending that same kindness to ourselves, when we try to show the same compassion toward ourselves, people around us tell us that we are not trying hard enough, that we could do better, or worse yet, that we are simply lazy.
      It’s quite unfair, don’t you think?
      So we learn that only others deserve kindness and compassion.

      Not to us.

      Because we could have done better. Because WE could have made more efforts.

      Another factor that could potentially influence our behavior is the significance we attach to ourselves in comparison to others. From a young age, we are taught the value of prioritizing the needs of others over our own, as being self-centered is often frowned upon. Consequently, we tend to place greater importance on the well-being of others than on our own. This tendency to prioritize others over ourselves also leads us to be more forgiving and lenient towards them while being more critical and demanding of ourselves.
      We don’t allow ourselves to be wrong, but we understand the mistakes made by others. However, it’s crucial to recognize that you are just as important as anyone else. I understand that it may be difficult to believe this, as you have been conditioned since childhood to prioritize others and feel guilty for inconveniencing them. But let me tell you, these thoughts can be unlearned. Giving yourself the importance you deserve is the key to maintaining good mental health.

      Giving ourselves importance enables us to establish boundaries, make autonomous decisions, and uphold self-respect. Because, let’s face it, if being overly critical of ourselves actually yielded positive results, we would have seen them by now.

      Try another strategy.

    2. Hurt people hurt people

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      Hostility and violence often perpetuate a vicious cycle, as individuals who have been harmed tend to retaliate by inflicting harm upon others. This behavior is not always driven by a desire for revenge, but rather by a quest to feel a sense of importance, power or even control over their own life.

      Individuals who have experienced pain and suffering are often the ones who are inclined to inflict harm upon others. I am referring specifically to deliberate acts of harm. It is important to acknowledge that no one is exempt from engaging in actions or uttering words that may cause harm to another person, even if it is unintentional. Each and every one of us carries our own personal traumas and biases.

      When we attempt to harm others, whether by making them feel bad or stupid, it reveals something about ourselves. It is possible that we have experienced feelings of insignificance, being unheard, or feeling small. In order to avoid ever experiencing those emotions again, we may unconsciously project our own pain onto others. Individuals who actively seek to inflict harm upon others do so because they themselves are hurting deep inside. This behavior stems from their own unresolved wounds. It is important to acknowledge that hurting others is a reflection of their internal struggles.

      This does not mean we have to let it happen.
      This does not mean that it’s no big deal because that’s not their fault.
      This only means to be aware of where it comes from.
      Being aware of it makes up react more appropriately and helps us not perpetuating the cycle.
      We know it’s actually not about us, but them.

      Individuals who find genuine happiness and comfort in their lives, as well as within their own skin, are unlikely to harbor intentions of causing harm. Regrettably, our society often fails to promote or foster a deep connection with our inner selves. Consequently, we resort to unhealthy methods of seeking solace or validation, such as exerting dominance over others or diminishing their worth, as these are the behaviors we have experienced ourselves.

      However, whether we want to or not, if we find ourselves hurt by someone’s behavior or words, we have the power to decide whether or not to pass on that hurt to others. It is up to us to break the cycle, and we hold the key to ending it.

      Understanding this concept has greatly improved my ability to respond to hostility. Recognizing that the person in front of me is clearly experiencing pain or unhappiness allows me to approach them with compassion. I now realize that their negativity is not directed at me, but rather a reflection of the darkness within their own heart. This understanding empowers me to not engage with them and instead choose to walk away, unharmed.

      By acknowledging our role in perpetuating or ending the cycle of hurt, we can take control of our own reactions and responses. This newfound awareness enables us to navigate difficult situations with grace and empathy, ultimately fostering a more peaceful and harmonious environment.

      Is it easy to achieve?
      No, it is not. Because we need to consciously change a few perceptions we nurtured for so long, but it is doable and one of the main key to a peaceful future.